As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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