I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
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Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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