my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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