I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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