If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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