The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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