Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize