I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize