if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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