Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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