I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I cut my penus on the lid.
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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