what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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