I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize