woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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