No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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