my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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