seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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