she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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