no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
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We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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