remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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