That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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