Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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