I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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