I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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