areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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