apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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