I just pynch a tree in the face
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
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My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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