Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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