It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
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Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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