He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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