Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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