how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize