my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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