So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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