Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize