so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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