tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
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If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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