but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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