Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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