i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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