Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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