god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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