he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize