The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize