Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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