glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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