Got a toothbrush?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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