I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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