Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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