I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is Oprah even human
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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